I will never talk bad about Ex-lax again. It will forever be close to my heart. I don’t want to share too many details but let me summarize with a few bullet points:
• Monday morning had food poisoning.
• Went to hospital that day.
• All food removed from my innards.
• Began eating solid food couple days later.
• By Friday, I needed to get some of that solid food out really badly.
• Friday at noon = Volkswagen trying to squeeze through a straw.
• Straw didn’t want to explode.
• Ex-lax saved my life.
I learned a few things that day:
• Ex-lax is not just for brownies.
• It is a humbling thing to feel with a fairly high level of certainty that your survival today depends on either a little box of Ex-lax or a Cesarean section.
• It is a scary thing to realize that you just ate 3 little cubes of Ex-lax when the recommended dosage is only 2.
13 comments:
This sounds a lot like my MTC experience lo these many years ago.
Oh, also, sorry to hear about your poisoning and trip to the hospital.
Dude that sucks. I will remember to buy some next time I am at the store. I guess you never know when you need it.
I think you're a wuss. Just push it out like a real man.
Yeah, tear your rectum...like a real man.
david - my MTC experience definitely included a lot of time on the crapper... but at least something came out.
mel - ex-lax is absolutely a definite for your 72-hr kit.
matty - you weren't there to say, "Just push! One more!" like when we used to lift weights together. and by "lift weights together" i don't mean anything gay. not that there's anything wrong with that though. it would have been a rectum evaporation or disintegration, i'm not sure but take your pick. "tear" doesn't begin to describe it. usually i would just push, and i initially tried that for about 45 minutes with no success unless you count the tears i was crying from the pain.
I'm starting to worry that since you've been married your "poop" related blog ratio has gone WAY up...
choco - i think you mean "since WE'VE been married"... you've had a hand in this too. not literally.
I'm tired of all this poop talk!!! Can't we go back to the glory days? You know, when you tackled the REAL issues threatening society - like ankle socks, muffin tops and Hasselhoffs. It's time for a true restoration, Pete. And you must carry this banner. Keep your mind pure by protecting it from the influences of poop originating from two anonymous little girls. I'm gonna lay some truth down for you, Petey. These adorable revolutionists (cute? yes - But cunning!) have brain washed you, infiltrating your "blog-o-truth" and turning it into a "blog-o-poop". Forming what I call an Axis of Excretion, these charming 4 and 6 year-old girls have created an open forum to spread their poopaganda to unsuspecting, nonpoop-oriented individuals. It started with the Camo, and now progresses onward. The warning has been issued!!
I swear you make a list of things that people don't want to hear about and then you set out to blog about them all...
marc - yes, that is part of my strategy... if my blog just talked about the same old crap everyone else talks about then it wouldn't be adding very much value. so i blog about interesting crap, quite literally.
Indeed
Pete, liked the blog. Wish I would have avoided the comments. But no turning back so here is my random thought this page inspired: MTC Orange Juice Video
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