Wo- Men’s Lib

Do women really want equal rights? Do men really want equal rights?

I’m answering both questions with a resounding NO. Then what do we really want?

Men, well men just want to watch the game and be left alone. Men would just as well let the woman have all the rights. Just give a man a tv, espn, some old pizza, and he’ll be happy. Even if it’s in a jail cell. On a pee-stained mattress with no sheet.

They say women are difficult to figure out. Well, after 5 months of being married to one, I have them figured out.

Women, I’ll tell you what women want. Women want men to want what they, the women, want. Women want men to want to talk about things. Women want to feel, not only that you listen to them, but that you want to listen to them instead of reading your Sports Illustrated. Women want you to want to do the dishes instead of watch the football game. Women want you to want to stay home and babysit instead of golf with your friends while they go shopping. Once a man finally wants what the woman wants, there is peace and happiness. All women will deny that this is what is required for a peaceful relationship. But trust me, it is the truth (look at the title of this blog, I know the truth).

Ok, so now that we know all about men and women we can discuss this on a grand scale. Women have been fighting for “equal rights” for years. They feel (and I would agree) that they have not been treated as fairly in our society (and many others) for a long time. They are right. And our society has been responding, slowly, for a long time. Women can vote, buy alcohol, hold powerful jobs in Corporate America, and run for president.

They can even wear pant suits.

Women are basically doing a lot of things that were reserved for men just a few years ago… that has been the main thrust of the Women’s Lib movement… to empower women by giving them what only the men had. I think we need to start slowing things down though… I mean, if the women keep doing things previously reserved for men, they are going to end up sitting around in their underwear playing videogames all night. They will soon stop showering. They will swear off floss. They will increase the speed at which they drive (ok, maybe not such a bad thing…).

Ok, now on to the men. Or as I call us, the Oppressed of the New Age. In my first job out of college, with an international accounting firm, my starting class was a group of about 400. Of those 400, over 300 were women. Is that because accounting is a woman’s job now? Possibly. But I don’t think so. The company I worked for is currently ranked in the top 20 on Forbes’ Best-Companies-to-Work-for-If-You’re-a-Woman list. Or as I call it, Forbes’ Best-Companies-to-Work-for-If-You-Want-to-Oppress-Men list. Basically, to be that high on the list means giving more jobs to women than to deserving men, promoting women faster than deserving men (most women averaged 2 years to first promotion while for men it was closer to 3 years), and allowing women to wear much more revealing clothing than men (women can get away with wearing any type of revealing clothing without it even being questioned… in fact, it’s almost encouraged by all the perv men in powerful positions; but if I wore a low-cut shirt that also revealed a little of my midriff when I either sat down or stood up I would be reprimanded by a powerful corporate woman right away. Not that I want to, I’m just making a point.) So, as a man I have a harder time getting a job, then getting promoted once I get that elusive job, and I can’t even wear the exciting clothing that just might help me to get the job and the promotion in the first place! I am beginning to feel oppressed as a man in this society.

(But then again, maybe the women want us to want that…..)

Side note: And what’s with this double standard of wanting to be equal but still playing from the women’s tees in golf? Equality ain’t fair, is it? Men are slowly beginning to realize this.

Men, we need to rise up and even things out. We’re fighting on a battlefield that has been tilted too far away from us. Sure, we (or our parents) kept the women down for years… but does that mean we have to suffer because of it today? Should I pay for my parents’ mistake? No! We must level the playing field, men! Opportunity for all, pant suits for NONE! And while we’re at it, let’s just make everyone play from the same set of tees.