Here in Phx, we had a new record high of 117 F on July 4th. For those of you who have never experienced 117 F, I would recommend not wishing to experience it. Cause we all know that what you wish for is what you'll get. And I would hate for Al Gore to be right, and if it starts hitting 117 all over the country, then I might have to conclude that he's not just a hippy bum. Enough about Al Gore.
"But it's a dry heat..." I know, I know... better than a humid heat. But still... 117 is hot. In my brain, I have this discussion with myself when I hear "it's a dry heat"-
(My brain) : "Hot?"
(Me) : "Yes."
(My brain) : "Dry?"
(Me) : "Yes."
(My brain) : "Still hot?"
(Me) : "Yes."
(My brain) : "But even though it's dry?"
(Me) : "Yes. Now stop asking."
Ok, so it's hot.
The point of all of this is that the best way to "beat the heat" (another term I absolutely despise... seriously, has anyone ever taken The Heat out back and given it a good whoopin' ? Well let's stop saying "beat the heat" until someone posts a video on youtube of The Heat getting cracked by its drunk father's leather belt), is to jump in the swimming pool which, luckily, is located right outside of our apartment's front door. 117 is hot, but you just don't notice it when you're sitting in a swimming pool. So that's what we did to celebrate the 117 record high (and our nation's independence), we swam in the pool.
"Great, so why are you writing a blog about your stupid pool?"
Because yesterday, July 5th, was supposed to be 116 F. Which, I know, you may be saying is NOT as hot as 117 F. And you would be right... but if you really want to argue that point, then you deserve a punch to the teeth. 116 is hot too. Let's just be agreed on that point so I can get on with it.
Yesterday, the pool had a sign on the gate, which read, "Pool closed for draining". When I saw that, I started looking around for the hidden cameras, because I was sure that we were being filmed for an episode of Ashton Kutcher's brain-child Punked.
Wrong. No cameras around. I even looked in the hot-tub. Nothing. "Crap! Now how am I supposed to beat The Heat ??!!" ... So with no way left to beat The Heat, we went back to our cool, air-conditioned apartment. I'm just now realizing that this blog is serving more as a source to vent today than usual... but how can The Man drain our pool during the hottest time of the summer in the middle of the desert? I only have 1 explanation for such irrational behavior: That BETTER be a Baby Ruth floating around in the water.........
(if you don't understand the Baby Ruth line, then you don't deserve to be reading this blog. please go watch Caddyshack, then re-read for maximum enjoyment)
12 comments:
There just so happened to be a King Size Baby Ruth floating around in our pool July 3rd in the evening, thus closing our pool for most of the 4th of July. How un-American, not being allowed to swim in your own pool because someone dropped a Baby Ruth in the pool. People dropping candy bars in pools should be taken out back and beaten with the proverbial "drunk father's leather belt."
Weak minded fool! When YOUR pool has been Baby-Ruth'd you go to a pool in a neighboring complex. God had your predicament in mind when He invented pool hopping... it's up to you to take advantage of this god-given gift. In the event you can't find any "spare" pools this is where a bag of ice, a bathtub, and a little creativity come into play... bathing suit optional.
-Vilheimner Von Vandershmooten
I don't even know how big a King Size Baby Ruth is, compared to a regular size Baby Ruth. Can we get a measurement? How did you know it was King Size? Did you eat it and realize it was 480 calories vs the regular size's 330 calories? Sorry I'm stuck on the most minor detail of your comment, but a King Size Baby Ruth isn't really a minor detail when it's floating in your pool. And how did you know it wasn't some kid's poop log?
Vilheimner, your suggestion to fill up the bathtub would work... but ONLY if the temperature INSIDE the apartment was 116 F. I'm just not that daring.
At 116 degrees you probably have to COOL your pool or it'd be a miserable experience.
PS - Global warming has nothing to do with hippie bums like Al Gore, but 96% of all climatologists... it's called "Science."
Okay, as hard as I try, I can't think of anything actually funny to say. Probably because I'm pissed cause I can't go swimming either.
So, for a little enjoyment, I found a fun video. (i've watched this like 60 times, and it seems to get funnier the more i view it)...hmmm....
really funny clip of someone pooping in a pool
Man, nothing kills a blog conversation like someone defending Al Gore. Thanks Marc.
That's what I'm here for... I guess.
So if you are gonna defend Al Gore, which is fine, then you need to apply this situation to him too. As in, what would be Al Gore's response if he found a potential Baby Ruth floating in his swimming pool on a 116 day? Personally, I think it's probably not a Baby Ruth in his pool. And also, I think he would probably eat it. Because, for the most part, Al Gore is full of ___ (Baby Ruth). ;)
Global warming on Mars may lead us to believe that Al Gore may be a big dumb hippie after all.
I wish the Mavericks would've been better at beating the Heat in 06. I hate that Shaquille O'Neal.
Yeah yeah, Snoop with a sports comment!
If only these Crappy Crayons could float...
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