Hasseling the Hoff - artist or engineer?

If you grow up in Germany, you basically have 2 choices of what music you want to listen to: a) Rammstein, or b) David Hasselhoff. So why the discussion on German music options? Because Hasselhoff's international celebrity status has grown to proportions that no one, not even those of us who grew up watching Knight Rider and thought we knew what his potential was, would have guessed. This requires some discussion.



After Germany was desecrated during WWII, there were not many who envisioned the once-proud nation returning to its status as a world leader. And while Germany has never been thought of as much of a fashion center, an artistically inspired nation or a producer of great international entertainment, it DOES have strengths.

-Engineering a nation of nerds-

While I hate to generalize, Germany is basically only famous for its engineering. Some might argue that its cars would be another famous, German icon. But let's be honest, the cars are a product of the engineering. Germany is so proud of its world-renowned engineering, that its youth have a hard time growing up with a chance at being anything but engineers. Could you imagine being a German parent and hearing your child proclaim that she wants to be a German-cuisine chef when she grows up? That's about like trying to find a career in Oklahoma as a deep-sea fisherman. Parents in Germany probably disown their children if they want to be anything other than engineers.

In a nation so steeped in the hard science of engineering, why would David Hasselhoff's music, of all things, be popular? Is it due to the engineering feat that was Kit, his talking car from Knight Rider? Were Germans so in love with this automotive marvel that was so far ahead of its time, that they just latched onto its owner?

The only conclusion I can draw on Hasselhoff's musical popularity in Germany is that he is a musical engineer, not a musical artist. For those of you in America who have heard any of his music, you have probably cringed at the thought of Hasselhoff as an artist. I know this idea was hard for me to swallow. For some reason, I feel much better knowing that he is not an artist, but a musical engineer.


-Do Americans love David Hasselhoff ?-

Not sure how many of you have seen Sponge Bob's full length movie, but Hasselhoff makes quite an appearance in the show. In fact, Sponge Bob and Patrick use Hasselhoff as a sort of speedboat to go from the shore out deep into the ocean. There is even a fight between the movie's bad guy (sorry, don't remember his name...) and Sponge Bob, while they are riding on the Hasselhoff speedboat. All this means is that the lucky viewer gets to see Hasselhoff's leg hair up close and personal. Total, it was about 15 minutes that we got to see Sponge Bob and the bad guy battling it out on the deck of the SS Hasselhoff.

The reason I bring up the Sponge Bob movie appearance is that I think Germans should question their loyalty to Hasselhoff over it. I don't care what you think about his music, this act alone should force you to question your loyalty. As much as I like Led Zeppelin, if Robert Plant ever tried to pull of a stunt like this in a movie I would, no doubt, question my loyalty to his music. The future actions of an entertainer definitely can influence how we feel about their past material (e.g., look at Pee Wee Herman... it wasn't until he started disrobing, etc in public that we began to say bad things about his tv show and movies... ok that may be a little extreme for an example, but you get the point).

I am wondering if there is a Germany-Hasselhoff parallel in the United States. Someone who got popular internationally for a tv show or maybe a movie, but then became a superstar in the US for his/her music (and that same music happens to be un-popular in his/her home country).


-Does he even know how to use that thing?-

After all this discussion of Hasselhoff, I'm left to question why he is still popular at all. Since he left the cast of Baywatch, the biggest thing he has done in the US was his appearance in Sponge Bob's full feature. Internationally, the biggest thing he has done was to issue 2005's CD entitled

Night Rocker

This CD is amazing. At least the cover. Looks like he is standing on Kit's hood, in the same outfit he wore when he actually was popular in the US back in 1986. His hair is feathered perfectly. And look at that stance...knees bent at just the right obtuse angles to drive those German engineer girls mad. The guitar looks about as unnatural in his hands as a t-shirt would look under that leather vest.


-Germans love David Hasselhoff-

Shouldn't this cd cover have been his downfall? I don't think I have even heard any of the songs, but the cover is enough for me. Doesn't matter how good the music is. However, from the cover, I can only imagine...

Apparently, though, Hasselhoff is as popular as ever in Germany. Dirk Nowitski of the Dallas Mavericks was caught during the NBA playoffs this year listening to "Night Rocker" in the locker room to get pumped up before the game. Which happened to be an amazing coincidence, because not 5 minutes later, the camera found Hasselhoff sitting in an aisle seat in the stands. They interviewed Hasselhoff in the stands, and it was refreshing to see that his look hasn't changed at all since the cd cover.

So why do Germans love Hasselhoff? There are some things that those of us with refined musical taste will just never understand. I would vote for the fact that he has engineered his way into their hearts. Somehow. We need to commission someone to research the Science of Hasselhoff to find some answers. I, for one, am never going to understand it.