ankle socks and g-strings

if it was possible to buy stock in a certain style of clothing, i would go back in time about 2 years and buy as much stock as i could possibly afford in ankle socks. by ankle socks, i don't mean the socks that stop at the top of the ankle, i mean those socks that don't even peek out the top of your low-top tenny runners. i seem to have heard a different name for them somewhere..

"peds" comes to mind, but that is too close to "pedophiles" and "pedorasts", so i shy away from it. let's face it, i don't want my blog to be at the top of the google search results next time Michael Jackson gets near a computer. back to the topic..

these socks are like the bikinis of the foot world. better yet, they are the g-strings, minus the fact that they probably don't get stuck in any cracks that they are covering. (could you imagine socks that get caught in between each set of your toes? why are g-strings so popular anyway? seems like if they get caught in your rear-end, like they appear to do, they would be more of an uncomfy hassle than they are worth.. are g-strings sold with a crowbar?) back to the topic..

maybe they are called "heel socks", as they barely seem to cover the heel. since the more traditional "ankle socks" actually covered the ankle, "heel socks" seems like an appropriate term for these immodest fluffy little cotton bad boys. heel socks is what i'm calling them from now on.. join me in this revolution if you'd like.

seems like every dude i know is wearing them now. i should have bought stock in them about 2 years ago, when my youngest brother got a pair. ONE PAIR. i will never forget the day he showed up wearing them, and i thought he had joined the Miami Vice gang, because he looked like Don Johnson walking around with no socks, just shoes. i commented to him about how gross it was to wear shoes without socks. he just laughed and kicked his shoe off, to reveal this skimpy little item, that appeared to be an old sock which he had cut off with a pair of scissors, just above the heel. i didn't believe that he had paid for the pair. until a couple weeks later he was wearing them everywhere. was i missing out on something?

fast forward to august 2005. my oldest brother showed up at a golf tournament wearing them. this is when i knew heel socks were mainstream. that's because this brother had always been a lagard when it came to technology/fashion/trends. not due to lack of funds.. he just was decidedly slow in catching on. it wasn't until early 2006 that he finally upgraded from his dial-up connection. and it wasn't until late 2005 that he finally got his first cell phone. that should be enough to pinpoint his location on the "adopting new trends" scale. and prior to aug 05, he was wearing knee-high socks, which were pushed down to mid-calf length (this was the style when he was growing up in the 80's). but from that point forward, he wears heel socks everywhere. in fact, i haven't seen him without them on in about 10 months now. he probably sleeps and showers in them.

one more comparison of heel socks to women's underwear->

fast forward to march 2006. my cousin moved into my apartment to crash for a month. he has always been on the cutting edge of new trends. he had a myspace account right after it opened to the public - that should be enough to paint his picture on the trend scale. while he lived with me, i noticed he wore the same heel socks as my brothers, with one difference. his were BLACK. you know that old saying "if a woman wears colored underwear, it's because she wants someone to see it".. that was what first jumped into my mind when i saw his black heel socks.. "he wants someone to see those socks, he wants some girl to walk up to him and rip his shoes off, revealing what's underneath" anyway.. the socks have that same sort of "wear them underneath and make people guess at what color they might be" appeal that women's underwear has to men. and that makes them pretty cool.

and now everyone is wearing them. at least i hope. i just see most guys wearing only shoes these days, which i assume means that they are wearing heel socks underneath. not all these guys can be part of the Miami Vice gang, can they? anyway, it seems like the heel socks stock has gone through the roof.

so what's the future of heel socks.. let me use my father to predict. my father is known for his anti-trend notions. he still has an old pair of sweat pants which he wears that just barely cover the bottom edge of his knees, when he wears them at normal height (about 2" ABOVE the belly button). and they are those old tight, elastic-ankled sweats (or elastic-calved for him..) yeah, he's no bastion of fashion. believe me on this one, my dad is not in david beckham's cell phone. anyhow, since my dad doesn't wear heel socks yet, they JUST MIGHT still have some cool time left..

so my word of advice is to hold your heel sock stock as long as you can, but be ready to sell it at the first sign of my dad jumping on that train. because once my dad gets a pair, the market for heel socks will be headed for its Black Tuesday.