I started wondering today, what ever happened to women's shoulder pads? I mean, like the kind that Angela used to wear on Who's the Boss? If you've never seen her shoulder pads, let me describe them for you... first, think of a perfect 90 degree angle. Then, think of another perfect 90 degree angle. Then, imagine a woman wearing football shoulder pads under her blouse. And I don't mean the newer lower profile football shoulder pads - I mean the pads from the 80's, Lawrence Taylor shoulder pads. Then, combine those things into one image (along with a giant blonde feathered hairdo). The shoulder pads made Angela's shoulders at least 8" wider than they were naturally, at least by my visual estimates from 25 years ago. These things were enormous. They are an item that I'll just never understand... I remember thinking to myself when I was a kid that you could punch a woman in the shoulder and she wouldn't feel a thing with those giant shoulder pads.
One thing I know about fashion is that it's cyclical (at least that's what people always say, so it must be true). Well, other than mullets, which are clearly cycle-proof and are always in style. Let me back up - the fashion category known as "Non-Mullet Fashion" is cyclical. This category includes everything non-mullet, which means that women's shoulder pads should follow a cyclical pattern, meaning that they should be coming back into style any day now.
As of today, the first google search result for "women's shoulder pads" is this website: http://www.shoulderpads.com. At first sight, I was really excited - "Yeah! Maybe those crazy things are coming back in style!" Which would be awesome, because then we could all start punching our moms in the shoulder again. But... nope... after a quick glance at the new-wave shoulder pads, I was quickly disappointed.
These things are so low profile they're not going to add more than maybe an inch to a woman's shoulder girth. Nothing at all like Angela Bower's. What a waste! Isn't the point of women's shoulder pads to make a woman look like a giant square? Cause isn't that what all guys want - a woman with big, broad, square shoulders?
I would like to know where the guy is who invented the giant shoulder pads. Is he still employed in the fashion industry? If so, what are his more recent inventions? Does he have a suggestion box?
